Ira Joel Haber  © 2006 All Rights Reserved

The Face

of man. Every inchno, every pica of a man’s beard
is inhabited by a hair, rooted in place, growing constantly.
For those lucky men for whom this is true, there is nothing
quite so satisfying as a ‘clean shave.’ Suddenly, such a
man has the face of a babyyou can pinch it, or caress it,
or give it a good slapall are equally satisfyingthat velvety
face innocence belies the hair-to-pica ratio richness that could
blossom into a melange or menagerie orwhat’s the other word?
Oh yes: an entre-nous of billowy beard were it to be left unattended,
at which point, a clean shave is the only way to go.

Someone in the audience asked what the difference is between
a ‘close’ and a ‘clean’ shave. Before I answer that, let me mention
two details that I neglected to mention earlier: 1: given the choice
between eternal life and a full, rich beard, most men choose the
beard: for the beard is immortal, isn’t it? You’d have to go along
with it. This is sort of a trick question. 2: and this is particularly
important: pinch or caress such a man, but do not slap.
Remember, the full, rich beard is immortal, and it will haunt you,
and someday, your heirs. Or, if not, and at the very least, guys
with big beards tend to slap back.

Ricky Garni
Copyright © 2006


RICKY GARNI is a graphic designer living in Carrboro, North Carolina. His work can be found in publications such as Defenestration, Eyeshot, Zafusy, and Mad Hatters Review as well as

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